I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
