My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
