you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
