so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
