I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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