That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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