Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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