God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
