Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
