I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
