i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
