he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
