Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
