how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
