is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
