I want to have your abortion
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
