dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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