I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
