mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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