it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
