What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
