I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
