i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
