you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
