Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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