your room smells of hookers.
And success
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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