you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You should frame my arrest warrant.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
