tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize