so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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