If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
