omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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