I'm laying in your front yard are you home
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
