I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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