do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
