Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
