My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
