i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
