guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
