Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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