I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
