You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize