ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
