I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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