Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
