last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just google imaged poop.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
