obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
