My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
