ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
