garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
