I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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