I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
