Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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