I puked a lego.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
