I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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