I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
