Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
