You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
