grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
