You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Randomize
