I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
