he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize