the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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