I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He did a backflip because drugs
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