idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
