If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
