Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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