god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize