My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
