You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
