what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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