if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
