i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
