And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize