Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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