i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
