I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
