I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize