My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
