Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
