I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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